Multi-purpose site?

Several eagle-eyes have noticed that Nerja Council appears to be planning to use the same (small) plot of land near the Burriana beach roundabout for several projects.

The site has been earmarked as the location for the new Health Centre and bits of paper relating to this much delayed project are currently doing the rounds. Nothing is actually happening, but lots of ex-trees are on the move.

Then we hear that, until the new Fire Brigade Park is completed, Fireman Sam and his wagon could move to a temporary location ‘next to the Burriana roundabout’. The Nerja Fire Brigade are currently holed-up in the sports stadium.

It could, of course, be a typo somewhere along the line, or maybe they are actually going to use the same plot. It would seem a little daft, and a waste of taxpayers money, if a ‘temporary’ building were to be constructed, only to be knocked down again at a later stage. Better to leave Fireman Sam where he is.

There is another alternative, and that is to erect a multi-purpose building on the site and keep everyone happy. As requested, we put this question to Baldrick and Clara and, lo and behold, they came up with an extremely cunning plan for a multi-purpose centre which they will be submitting when tendering opens.

The site at the top of the Burriana beach hill, next the roundabout, is not exactly large, but the dynamic duo have that covered, opting for a medium-rise construction. They have also drawn inspiration from around the world. Just picture it.

Basement: The basement will be used to house the latest in residual water processing systems (sewage works to non-politicians). As it needs to be secure, soundproof and totally insulated to avoid any residual odours, the design has been based on the popular ‘Austrian model’.

Ground Floor: The ground floor will house the new Health Centre. Based on the successful UK model, there will be administrative offices, conference rooms, a modern cafeteria, gymnasium, relaxation rooms, corridor space for a few beds and all the things you would expect in a top class facility.

First Floor: A bar. A large bar (Clara’s idea).

Second Floor: The second floor houses the local Fire Brigade. The fire engine has its own parking space at the side of the building and, in emergencies, access is via a fireman’s pole attached to the side of the building.

Third Floor: A championship standard 18 hole virtual golf course designed by Ronnie Corbett, Michael Schumacher, Amy Winehouse and Jim’s wife. Although relatively short, it will be fast, unpredictable and extremely demanding.

Roof Terrace: The roof terrace will house a permanent, open air market. The stalls will be fixed in place to avoid arguments and individually labeled pulley systems on the North and West walls will facilitate easy uploading and downloading of merchandise. No congestion at the beginning of market day and helps the environment.

The Grounds: Apart from Fireman Sam’s parking spot and an area for market traders, the rest of the grounds will be flooded to make a marina. Ideally located at the top of the hill, access to the beach will be via a water schute. A few twists, turns and loops have been added to make it more attractive and fun. An electric winch ensures that the boats can return safely to their berths at the end of the day.

Baldrick and Clara have managed to keep construction costs down by using local, natural resources, such as beach sand, which is, after all, plentiful and right on the doorstep. It’s an idea they picked up whilst on holiday in Turkey a few years back.

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