Mustn’t forget the pagans

Hundreds of criminals in the UK are to be given four days a year off prison work in order to celebrate various pagan festivals, the latest in a series of rulings to protect convicts’ rights and ensure equality among different faiths.

Prison governors have been issued with a list of eight annual pagan holidays, from which pagan inmates can choose four to celebrate. These celebrations may include special food.

The festivals:

Imbolc – The festival of the lactating sheep during which Pagans build piles of stones.

Spring Equinox – Spring festival in which pagans celebrate the changing of the seasons.

Beltane – Celebration in which devotee celebrate the Sun God with unabashed sexuality and promiscuity, with married couples allowed to remove their wedding rings for the night.

Summer Solstice – Pagans dance naked and drink super-strong honey mead to celebrate the longest day of the year.

Lammas – Harvest festival in which Pagans are encouraged to go on long country walks.

Autumn Equinox – Celebration of the end of summer, involving a giant outdoor feast.

Samhain – Festival of the dead, celebrated on Halloween. Food is left out as an offering for the ‘wandering dead’, and pagans ‘cast spells’ and dress up as ghosts.

Yule – Pagans burn a yule log to honour Kriss Kringle, the Germanic Pagan God of Yule.

One would imagine that Lammas would be a popular choice by the inmates!

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