Desperado apprehended in Swinton

No doubt there will be huge sighs of relief all round after news that master criminal Keith Hirst was detained in Swinton the other day.

It took a PCSO and up to five uniformed policemen to carry out the arrest of this dangerous individual.  After being fingerprinted and DNA tested, Don Keith was deposited in the police cells overnight in preparation for a court appearance the next morning.

During the night, Don Keith was visited on two occasions by a local physician after complaining of dizziness and chest pains, a side effect of having a dicky ticker.

Morning came and Don Keith, handcuffed to a security officer, made his appearance in the Magistrates Court on charges of obstructing the police. He was released from custody after the obstruction charge was subsequently dropped but is now due to go to trial at the District Court where he faces up to six months in prison or a 2,500 pound fine if convicted.

Quite naturally, Don Keith denies the charges. So who is this master criminal? Drugs Baron? Mad Axeman? Mastermind behind the Great Tea Trolley Disaster of 1995?

No, Don Keith ‘allegedly’, and he fervently denies the charge, dropped an apple core on the road!

What a waste of taxpayer’s money. He should have just been taken out and summarily shot at dawn. Just who are the criminals? There are hospitals unable to afford life-saving equipment as there is no tax money available, yet thousands of pounds are wasted on cases like this.

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